And the things you always meant to do

I glanced over the list of 200 things I still want to do. It included places to visit, international travel, books to read, martial arts, surfing, growing garden vegetables and knitting.

Approaching in the calendar was another routine doctor’s appointment. I felt a shoulder-wide cloud of sadness. The list was a reminder of so much life still unlived. Why had I put off these things? What was I waiting for?

I knew the almost grown-up things I told myself, as I kept moving from city to city, managing crisis after crisis, break-up after new romance. I thought I was being responsible by gearing up for the “until” and peering across the wilderness of my maturity for the “when-I’m-ready.”

But then the diagnosis and biopsies, MRI’s and chemo. What was the point of putting it off? Where was my “until?”

A humbling lesson in recovery was that conditions will never be just right. For a planner like me, the timing will never be exact. The beauty of getting it done is that the joy is still bursting through the circumstances that were always a little “off.”

What would your list of 200 things look like? Are you waiting, wanting and wishing? If there were one thing on that list that you could do/visit or learn within the next 30 days, what would it be? In what area of your life is it still “unlived?”

Blessings,
Mahal

 

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